The Very Telling Story of Awesome Vampires and Smelly Security Dudes
by fingerlinggood
Summary: We suck (and not even in a good way) and can't think of a good summary...so Happy Birthday Kyll!


Aimée (ofthespookypumpkinvariety) and Sarah (awkwardfangirlurl) co-wrote this fic especially for one of our wives on her birthday! Happy Birthday Kyll! We hope you'll enjoy this vampire au we wrote just for you :) 3

This will be multiple chapters, as we may have gotten slightly carried away with ourselves...

* * *

When I woke up in the alley, I remembered everything. Not right away, obviously, my first thoughts were definitely 'what the fuck am I doing in this piss-covered alleyway?' but slowly, things started to come back. I remembered being out at some little hole-in-the-wall bar the night before for my latest case. I remembered some weirdo in leather eyeing me all night. I remembered thinking I was leaving alone but finding out too late I wasn't.

When I noticed the forever lurking creep was following me, I kept walking. I had taken down guys much larger than him, so I lead him into an enclosed alleyway - which, in hindsight, probably wasn't my brightest idea - and turned around, my hands readily clenched into fists.

"Alright, what the hell is your problem?" He raised an eyebrow at my question but he didn't answer. This is when I noticed the hook in the place his hand should be, and I had to fight the urge to roll my eyes, who the hell dresses up like a pirate in a bar? It wasn't even Halloween. That's when I knew he was probably fucking crazy. My eyes crept up from his potentially-a-deadly-weapon hook and met his eyes. That's when I realized I couldn't move.

I panicked. He started to move closer. My heart was pounding but no matter how hard I tried, I couldn't get my limbs to move. He was so close, I could count every chest hair blowing gently in the breeze and smell the stench of rum and blood on his breath.

"Well, aren't you a tasty little bird?" He slurred before lunging forward and sinking his teeth into my throat, before the world went black.

* * *

I sat up, looking around me for anything that might be useful. The alleyway was surprisingly dark, for it being what I assumed to be late morning. To my left, in a patch of sunlight, I saw my phone. Rubbing my neck, which was sore as hell, I reached for it, jumping back instantly when I felt a searing pain on my hand. I clutched it to my chest, my mind desperately searching for answers as I pressed myself up against the wall, as far away from the sun's rays as possible.

I heard a thumping to my left, and I straightened up further, wondering what the next weird-ass thing to be thrown at me would be. I let out a relieved sigh when I saw a cat making its way through the shadows next to me. The thumping sound quickened and that was when I realized the sound came from the cat. I didn't have time to wonder why the hell I could hear what I assumed must be its heartbeat, when I caught a whiff of the most appetizing smell I had ever experienced and a sudden hunger rushed through me. As I crouched down to get closer to this strange animal, my lips pulled back as a growl escaped my throat. A set of fangs that, to my knowledge, weren't there the night before, shot out of my gums, luckily shaking me from my trance. I shot up, clutching my mouth with my hand and draping my jacket over my head, and started running.

As I got to my apartment, I threw my jacket to the ground, and yelled for my son.

"Henry!" I cried in a voice that sounded ever so slightly different from my own. He came running to the front door, eyes wide as he heard the panic in my voice. I could hear his racing heartbeat from across the room and my mind started reeling. As he went to take a step closer, I put up my hand to stop him.

"Don't come any closer to me." I demanded, my voice panicked.

"Mom, what's going on?" he asked before I rushed past him, intent on packing some of his stuff up for him. He couldn't stay there. It wasn't safe.

"Mom, what are you _doing_?!" he asked, catching up to me, out of breath "And how are you moving so fast?!" I turned to him.

"Henry, I'll explain later, you just need to stay in the other room or something right now" my eyes finally meeting his, I could see my own terror reflected back at me.

"Mom...your teeth…" my hands quickly covered my mouth.

"I can't figure out how to make them go away" I said, sadly realising how little control I had over my own body. Tears filled my eyes as I saw my 10 year old son backing away from me. I reached out for him without thinking, wanting to take away the fear in his eyes. I then pulled my arm away, shaking my head to get my focus back.

"Henry, we need to talk about this." I said as I made my way to the living room, where he sat, his knees pulled up to his chest, eyes wide.

"What happened?" he asked. I sat across the living room from him and sighed.

"Well, kid, I was attacked by...well, I guess he wasn't just a guy, huh?" I rubbed my hand down my face, the reality of my situation crashing over me.

"And he bit you?"

"Yeah, kid. He did." I braced myself for what I figured would be more fear. His eyes grew even wider and, to my surprise, his face broke out into a wide grin.

"Awesome!"

"What?!" I sat up as he got up with a little pump of his fist and started dancing.

"I knew it, I _knew_ it! Vampires _are_ real. Stupid Freddie at school said they weren't. He told me I was crazy for thinking so. This is gonna show _him_. I can't wait to see the stupid look on his face when I tell him 'my mom has fangs you big dummy'. It's gonna be sooooo great"

"Henry…" I tried interrupting.

"He thinks he's _sooooo_ great, just cuz his mom's friends with the prettiest teacher, so she's gone to some of his birthday parties. It's totally creepy and weird but he doesn't shut up about her and the amount of times he's been to her house. He even said he saw her underwear drawer once, but I'm pretty sure he's lying. He's _so_ weird, mom. I just can't wait to rub this in his face, it's gonna- "

"Henry! There will be no rubbing this in _anyone's_ face! We have to keep this top secret, kid."

"But, I just wanna-"

"No, kid. You aren't telling anyone, _especially_ that creepy little perv" crossing his arms, he sat back down, pouting.

"What's the fun of having an awesome vampire-mom if you can't even _tell_ anyone…"

"K, listen. Your popularity is the least of my concerns when I'm suddenly thirsting for the blood of living creatures, okay?!"

"Wait...so...do you want to eat _me_ right now?" he asked, looking equal parts scared and intrigued. It was in that moment that I realised that no, I didn't. My eyebrows furrowed as I shook my head.

"Then, what's the problem?" he asked, like the little know-it-all he is. I sighed again.

"Look, this isn't like in the movies, okay? We can't just expect this to not change anything or...or for things to just be okay. This is serious, dude. Just because I'm not going all blood-thirsty on you right now, doesn't mean this...this thing won't somehow evolve and make it happen later."

"so, what do we do?" I thought for a moment before answering.

"I need to find somewhere for you to go. Preferably, somewhere far away from leather-wearing pirate guys...It's not safe for you here, anymore."

"But mom, no! You can't leave me!" his eyes quickly filled with tears "You can't make me grow up in the foster system, that's _not_ fair!"

"Woah, no. Dude. That is _not_ what I meant. I just want you to be safe, to give you your best chance…"

"My best chance is with you, mom. Fangs or no fangs." he said with a sniffle.

"Even if I start to sparkle in the sun?" his face dropped, turning to disgust rather than sadness.

"_Real_ vampires don't do that...do they?"

"God, no. The sun burns like a bitch."

"Cool." he said, accepting my answer nonchalantly.

"So, what do you suggest we do, Henry?"

"I'll figure something out!"

"Oh, you will?" I asked, laughing at his adorable look of determination.

"Uh huh! And we can call it 'Operation no-sparkles!'"

"Kid, that sounds like 'nose sparkles'"

"PERFECT!" he cried proudly, before running out of the room. I watched him go, unsure of what to make of the entire conversation I had just had with my son. My stomach suddenly grumbled with a ferocity I had never felt before. I walked to the kitchen to grab a bag of chips, determined to not give in to whatever new hunger was taking over.

* * *

Later that night, Henry came back, his laptop in hand.

"Mom I fo-...what are you doing?" I looked up from the tv, brushing aside the four empty bags of chips next to me and pressing 'pause' on the episode of _Buffy_ I was watching.

"Research." he looked at the screen.

"There aren't even vampires in this scene…it's just Willow and Tara" I looked over. He was right.

"Shut up." I said, throwing a chip at him. He dodged it with a little giggle.

"_Anyway_, in my _actual_ research, I found something!"

"Really?" I said, through another mouthful of chips. He gave me a disapproving look before continuing.

"Yes, really. Don't talk with your mouth full, mom. It's gross."

"Sorry."

"Anyway. As I was saying, I found something that could really help us. It's a place we can go to...together."

"What kind of place? Is it some kind of weirdo bible-thump-y church camp where they'll use the power of the lord to replace my thirst for blood with a thirst for Jesus?" at this, he smacked the side of my head.

"Mom, no. How much junk food have you _had_?!" he looked over at the wrappers and bags that surrounded me.

"Uh...I'm like, really, really hungry…"

"And is eating this helping at all?" I shook my head "I'm pretty sure it's cuz you're hungry for something else, mom." his eyes lit up "we could go hunting together, if you want!"

"Uhm...no. What is it that you found, kid?"

"Right, yes. It's called the Storybrooke Centre of Revitalization. All it does is help people like us!"

"I highly doubt that.."

"No, listen! It says 'Let us help your loved ones regain the thirst for life and move on from the life-altering transition they've undergone. With our program, they'll be able to reintegrate into society and learn to control those primal urges."

I zoned out as he listed off all the things this place could do for us, knowing full well I would end up saying 'yes' to this crazy church camp thing. My body was tired and I had no real idea how to get it the rest it needed, anymore. The hunger was continuously gnawing at the back of my mind, reminding me of the fact that I definitely wouldn't like what it would take to make that feeling go away.

"It's time to get your loved one back." he finished.

"That's it?" I asked.

"What do you mean, 'that's it'? Do you have any idea how long it took me to find this place? You can't exactly google 'Help my mom's a vampire and doesn't want to have to leave me by the side of the road to give me my best chance. What do we do?'" I thought back, counting the episodes of _Buffy _I got through, realising how long it had actually been.

"I hardly know anything about this place, Henry! Where is it? How much is it going to cost us? What exactly is involved? Because like, sorry, but I'm not into electroshock therapy or some kooky shit like that"

"Why do you think they'd be crazy?"

"They have a fucking vampire-rehab centre, kid! What part of that _isn't_ crazy?!"

"Says the one with fangs and a serious desire to go kill things right now…"

"Oh my god. Fine. Where is it?"

"Storybrooke, Maine." At this, I let out a dramatic sigh.

"You want us to go to _Maine_?! Henry that suuuuuucks" at this, he raised an eyebrow.

"Are you already making vampire jokes?"

"Just a little one."

"Too soon, mom. Too soon."

"Alright" I said with a stretch, putting down my bag of chips "How do we even know they have openings?"

"I already called" he said with a grin "They're expecting us tomorrow night."

"You're lucky you're cute. Cuz that is some shady business, kid."

"We should start packing. We obviously can't leave until it's dark tomorrow, but we should still get ready. I've already got all my favourite comic books and movies!"

"Wait, how long of a stay does this thing involve?"

"It says you can stay until you feel like yourself again...or until you 'learn to control your inner darkness'"

"I am going to hate this shit, aren't I?"

"Yeah, probably."

"Awesome" I said, before getting up to pack.

* * *

"Another one?" Henry asked, getting up from our cozy little blanket fort on the couch.

"Uh, duh! We've only got a few hours left here, we might as well spend 'em marathoning more _Buffy_." he smiled and put in the next DVD. As the episode started, there was a fight with, of course, a vampire.

"I'm glad your forehead doesn't go all bumpy like that when you get all vamp-y…" he said matter-of-factly.

"I've never actually bitten anyone or anything, so I honestly still could have gross forehead bumps when that goes down. I don't know, yet."

"Wait, so you haven't eaten since it happened?!" he turned to me, suddenly alarmed.

"What are you talking about, I haven't _stopped_ eating. Look around you!"

"Mom, you are going to have to go hunting soon, or you are going to get seriously sick. And not in the good way"

"Since when are you the friggin' expert?" I asked, immaturely, shoving another handful of chips in my mouth. He rolled his eyes and kept watching. When the vampire on-screen met an untimely dust-ing, via a wooden stake, I saw his eyes gloss over with sadness as he turned to me.

"I don't think I like this show anymore"

"What?! Why?! This is our _show_, Henry. We've seen this a million times!"

"But that Vamp just died...they didn't even give him a chance to talk or to explain himself...he just...got killed…poof. Dust. Gone forever."

"He was kinda asking for it, attacking the slayer and all…"

"Yeah, but...he didn't ask to be made a vampire...it's not really fair…" it was in this moment, when I looked into his little eyes, that I saw how scared he was for me. The worry I felt for his well-being was mirrored in a way I didn't realize at first. I put my arm around him and held him close, tears forming in my eyes. He wrapped his arms around my waist and squeezed tighter than he ever had before.

"I love you, kid"

"I love you too, mom." as we held each other, I breathed in his scent and found that not only was it not even the least bit appetizing, it was the most beautiful smell I had ever experienced. It was home.

"You know" I said, breaking the silence "I think I'd take forehead bumps over sparkles, any day…"

"Truuuuue dat" he said with a laugh, wiping away his tears without letting go.


End file.
